What Your Inner Critic Really Needs From You

You know that voice in your head? The one that says “You’re screwing this up,” “You should’ve known better,” or “Why even bother?” Yeah. That one.

Let’s talk about her.

That voice isn’t your enemy. She’s not trying to ruin your life. She's actually trying to help you—but she’s terrible at communicating. Think of her as that well-meaning but wildly dramatic friend who panics over everything.

She’s not evil. She’s anxious.

And what your inner critic really needs… is you.

Not the scared, spiraling version of you—but the grounded, wise, self-compassionate version who can say:

“I hear you. I know you’re scared. But we’ve got this.”

See, your inner critic is usually just a younger part of you that learned to stay safe by being hyper-vigilant and ultra-critical. It’s like she thought if she could just be perfect, she’d never be rejected, fail, or feel shame.

(And of course, we know now… that didn’t work.)

So instead of battling her, ignoring her, or trying to “think positive,” what if you tried to understand her?

What if your self-talk sounded more like:

• “Of course you’re scared. This is new.”

• “You’re not lazy—you’re overwhelmed.”

• “It’s okay to not know. Let’s just take the next right step.”

Compassion isn’t coddling—it’s clarity.

I used to think compassion was more of an added bonus in life, but now I see it as an absolute necessity when it comes to our mental health and accessing the wisest parts of ourselves. When you lead with compassion, your brain feels safe. And when your brain feels safe, it stops spinning in worst-case scenarios and starts making wise decisions.

This is why I’m always telling my clients:
We don’t want our triggered brain making decisions on our behalf.

Because your triggered brain is not thinking clearly. It’s reacting.

So the next time you hear that inner critic whisper something harsh, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself:

“What does this part of me need right now?”

More often than not, the answer will be reassurance, rest, or a reminder that you're human—and doing the best you can.

You don’t need to shut her up.

You just need to show up—as the calm, grounded you that triggered you leans on for support.

Consider these Journal Prompts to Get You Started:

• What does my inner critic usually sound like—and what might she be afraid of?

• What’s one thing she might need to hear from me today?

• If I spoke to myself the way I speak to someone I love, what would I say right now?

• What’s one moment recently where I could’ve criticized myself—but chose compassion instead?

Let this be the beginning of a new relationship—with the voice in your head, and with yourself.