What Are You Making It Mean? (And Why It’s Probably Not True)
You text someone and they don’t respond for hours.
You walk into a room and no one looks up.
You submit an idea at work and get silence in return.
What’s the first thing your brain does?
If you’re like most people, it fills in the blank with a story—a meaning—and nine times out of ten, that story isn’t kind.
"She must be mad at me."
"They don’t like me."
"That was a stupid idea. Why did I even speak up?"
It’s sneaky, right? We do it all the time. We take a neutral event and attach meaning to it, as if we have a crystal ball into other people’s heads. We assume. We jump to conclusions. We interpret silence as rejection, a short answer as annoyance, and an offhand comment as criticism.
But here’s the truth bomb:
Most of the time, it’s not about you. It’s about what you’re making it mean.
The Problem With Believing Every Thought
Your brain is a meaning-making machine. It tries to protect you by scanning for danger—emotional or physical—and filling in blanks quickly. But fast doesn’t mean accurate.
We don't just experience something and move on. We interpret it.
We narrate it.
We give it meaning.
And that meaning creates your emotional experience.
➡️ Didn’t get a text back? If you make it mean “they don’t care,” you feel hurt.
➡️ Got critical feedback? If you make it mean “I’m not good enough,” you feel ashamed.
➡️ Someone cancels plans? If you make it mean “I’m not important,” you feel rejected.
Same situation. Different meanings = totally different feelings.
🔄 Flip the Script: What Else Could It Mean?
This is where the magic happens.
One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is:
“What am I making this mean?”
And even better:
“What else could it mean?”
Because if you can make it mean something painful, you can also choose a version that’s more grounded, kind, and true.
Maybe the person who didn’t text back is overwhelmed and forgot.
Maybe the room was distracted, not dismissive.
Maybe your coworker was preoccupied with her own stuff and your idea just didn’t register.
We rarely stop to ask, “Is that true?” or “Do I have all the information?”
Instead, we believe the thought and let it shape how we feel and what we do next.
Tools To Break the Pattern
Here are a few journal prompts and quick questions to build awareness and challenge those automatic meaning-making habits:
What am I making this mean right now?
What’s the story I’m telling myself?
Do I know this for a fact, or am I guessing?
Is there another possible explanation?
What would I tell a friend if they were in this situation?
What meaning would I attach to this if I was feeling confident and calm?
The Takeaway
You are not your thoughts.
And not every thought you have is true.
Just because your brain fills in a blank doesn’t mean you have to believe the story it tells.
This is where we get lost in our own thoughts dwelling on the stories in our minds, severe relationships unnecessarily, overreact, etc all because of what we make things mean-
And most of us are doing this completely unconsciously!!
Awareness is the first step.
Choosing a kinder meaning is the next.
Doing this over and over?
That’s how you change the way you experience your relationships, your work, and yourself.
So the next time your brain wants to jump to conclusions—pause.
Get curious.
And ask:
What am I making this mean?