How to Stop Second-Guessing Yourself (Even If Your Brain is addicted to the Back-and-Forth)
I hear it from my clients all the time… The anxiety that spikes after:
Sending that email then overanalyzing every word.
Saying yes to something… then lie awake at 2 a.m. wondering if you should have said no.
Making a decision… then questioning whether you actually made the right one.
Sound familiar?
Welcome to the second-guessing spiral—one of anxiety’s favorite hangouts. If you’re a smart, capable woman who struggles with overthinking or perfectionism, chances are you’ve been stuck here more than once.
As an anxiety therapist in Kansas City, I see this every day. Smart, capable women paralyzed by the belief that there’s a “right” answer out there—and if they just think hard enough, they’ll find it.
So let’s discuss some ways to stop that cycle-
1. Notice the Spiral Before You’re in It
Most second-guessing starts with a trigger- questioning that comment you made in a meeting, an odd glance from your boss, or someone not responding quick enough to a text you’ve sent
👉 Pay attention to what kicks off your overthinking.
Once you see the pattern, you can interrupt it earlier (instead of lying awake at 2am wondering if you offended a coworker or colleague.
Try this:
Next time this way of thinking takes over consider instead: “What if everyone goes through awkward or odd moments at times and it’s actually a normal human thing and nothing actually requires my brain power here”
2. Drop the Myth of the “Perfect” Decision
Waiting for the “right” decision is going to absolutely exhaust you- because it simply doesn’t exist. What’s “right” for one person isn’t always “right” for the next, so it’s essential you train your mind to stop pretending there is a perfect answer you have to find.
Believe it or not- You don’t need 100% certainty to act.
Give yourself permission to act when you’re 60% certain as a test and then evaluate the results
If you keep waiting for a decision to feel flawless, you’ll end up stuck on pause forever.
3. Give Yourself a Decision Deadline
If you struggle with decision-making, time is not your friend.
The longer you stew, the louder your anxious brain becomes.
Give yourself a container:
“I’ll make a decision by 3pm today.”
“I’ll weigh the pros and cons—but I’ll only spend 10 minutes on it.”
Then? You decide. You back yourself. You move on.
4. Let It Be “Good Enough”
Perfectionism tells you that anything short of flawless = failure.
Train your brain instead to commit to: “Done is better than perfect.”
Ask yourself:
Will this move me closer to the life I want?
Am I delaying because of fear—or because this genuinely isn’t aligned ?
What would I choose if I already believed I could handle whatever came next?
Let your values—not your fear—lead the way.
5. Build Your Self-Trust in Tiny Ways
You don’t build confidence from never messing up.
You build it by making a decision, having your own back, and learning from it—again and again.
Practice with the small stuff:
You tell yourself, “No emails before 9 a.m.” and hold that boundary.
Say no to something without explaining why.
You notice a spiraling thought… and choose to pause, take a breath, and not run with it.
Speak up in the meeting, even if you’re uncomfortable.
Confidence isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practice.
And if second-guessing has been running the show for way too long?
That’s where anxiety therapy can make a huge difference.
In my Kansas City therapy practice/ Online programs I help high-achieving women who feel stuck in overthinking, overwhelm, and self-doubt reconnect to their voice, values, and confidence.
You don’t have to stay in mental limbo forever.
You can absolutely learn to stop second-guessing yourself—and start making aligned decisions with less anxiety and more self trust.
👉 Ready to stop the spiral?
Message me to schedule a free consultation today and let’s chat about what support might look like for you.
Let this be the beginning of powerful decisions you start to make.
I look forward to hearing from you!