When Rest Feels Impossible: How to Turn Off Your Mental To-Do List
You finally get a moment to sit down.
Maybe you light a candle, grab a book, or flop onto the couch.
And then it starts.
Your brain interrupts with “relaxing? dream on… there’s work to be done!!”
Don’t forget to send that email.
Did you switch the laundry?
Oh shoot, what about the presentation next week?
You should really schedule that appointment.
Suddenly, “relaxation” feels like a joke. Instead of resting, you’re mentally sprinting through your never-ending to-do list.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And if you’re an overthinker, perfectionist, or chronic achiever? Your brain has been trained to chase the next task and never be satisfied.
(Basically… there’s no end in sight unless we intervene)
Here’s how to start.
1. Externalize your List
Your brain won’t stop replaying tasks because it doesn’t trust you to remember them.
Solution: write it down.
Try this: Keep a “parking lot list” nearby. (A simple list in the notes section of your phone/ Or use a list app like Microsoft “to do”. When a task pops up in your mind, jot it down—then give yourself permission to let it go until later. Learning to capture your tasks in an organized way is first and foremost.
2. Start Small with “Micro Moments” to relax
If a 2 hour movie or even 15 minutes of meditation feels impossible, don’t start there. Start with 2 minutes.
Close your eyes.
Breathe slowly in and out.
Tell yourself: This moment is enough.
Tiny moments of calm add up, and your brain begins to trust that you can rest without the world falling apart.
3. Give Your Nervous System a Job
An anxious brain resists blank space. So instead of forcing “nothing,” give it something gentle.
Try guided breathing apps.
Listen to calming music.
Color, doodle, or do a puzzle.
Listen to a podcast or book
Honestly… even giving yourself time to relax scrolling on your phone intentionally can work too. This might look like “for the next 30 minutes I’m gonna scroll TIKTOK and not feel guilty about it.” This works especially well if you’re someone who feels guilty the second you get on your phone. If you tend to shame and blame yourself throughout the process and are not fully present to even enjoy your scroll. Use it as a way to unwind… relax… and use if FOR yourself vs AGAINST yourself and simply stick to a specific timeframe. Say to yourself “I’m all in on my guilty pleasure!” and soak it all in no guilt allowed.
4. Redefine Rest
Rest doesn’t always mean sitting still in silence. For some, that’s the hardest version.
Rest can also look like:
A slow walk without your phone.
Stretching.
Cooking without multitasking.
Taking a shower and actually enjoying it.
See “scrolling” example above!! (we have preconceived notions of what are “good” and “bad” ways to relax)
Find what feels restorative to YOU—not just what looks like “traditional” relaxation.
5. Set Boundaries with Your Inner Taskmaster
The to-do list voice will always have more ideas. But your thinking brain gets to set the boundary.
Try reminding yourself:
“I have a system to capture what needs to get done”
“I create time in my day to address pressing matters as they arise”
“I’m someone that plans for to do list items to be completed”
This is a good way to reassure your triggered anxious brain that truly believes things will unravel if not done NOW! We’re simply reminding ourselves that our THINKING brain is in charge and plans for what needs to be done and our TRIGGERED brain is relieved of it’s duties! The above statements validate and reassure the anxious brain there’s a solid plan in place… starting with a list of items you capture as they surface.
Final Thought: Rest Is Productive
Here’s the truth: when your nervous system is constantly running, you’re not more effective—you’re more exhausted and essentially depleting your inner resources. Rest isn’t wasted time. It’s actually the the reset that makes everything else possible and your energy sustainable without burnout!
So next time your brain tries to sabotage your downtime with a mental to-do list, remember:
Write it down.
Start small.
Redefine rest.
Set boundaries.
Relaxation is a practice. And like any practice, the more you do it, the easier it gets.
If you’re looking for solid ways to train your anxious brain to stop the SPIN in overwhelm- I have tools that can help.
I can help!
Fill out my contact form and let’s find a time to chat! I’d love to hear from you.